The Choice is Your: Guilt or Shame

I watched Brené Brown’s TED Talk, Listening to Shame, a couple of days ago.

It dealt with many aspects of shame. One thing she talked about is the difference between guilt and shame. I paraphrase her here: Guilt is I did bad. Shame is I am bad.

Is it any wonder that children raised to value themselves as the gift to the world that they are, can stay away from shame. They learn just because they did bad doesn’t make them bad.

On the other hand, children raised to not value themselves, the jump from doing bad to being bad is so much easier to bridge. For them, it has been ingrained in their mind that they are bad, That doing something bad almost automatically triggers being bad. It’s what they know.

For those of us who fall in the second group, we are faced with an ongoing challenge; guilt or shame. Falling into the I am awful, horrible, bad, whatever negative is so easy to do. It is what I learned growing up. When I do I am snared in the trap of shame.

Just like any trap, the longer the time spend in the trap, the more damage that is done. The trick is to find a fast escape from the trap. How can that be done?

Just as I have learned to have a hair trigger reaction from doing to being bad, I can also teach myself to go the other way. When I fall in the trap of being bad, I challenge the thought. I ask myself why that is true? What happened to make me bad? I know I am a creature of God and worthy of being good. This feeling bad must be a ruse. I ask myself why I am feeling that way?

Most often it can be traced back to recent events. It is not hard to find where I haven’t lived up to my or some one else’s expectations. When I have done wrong, bad or maybe something worse. It is usually as plain as the nose on my face. That pathway has got turned around. It has gone from me doing wrong  to me being wrong, worthless, good for nothing, a loser.

I am left with the choice, guilt or shame. Do I stew in this horrible feeling or do I challenge it? If I stew in it, I choose shame. If I challenge it, challenge those feelings that have been a part of me since my youth. those beliefs that just because I made a mistake  makes me a mistake, I choose guilt and i am better off for that choice. I am closer to being that creature worthy of love that God wants me to be.

Believe me, that choice is not easy, Forty some years of learning is difficult to challenge. But, challenge it I must if I am to be one of God’s creatures, one worthy of love, not creature absent of love that has been too much a part of my life for to long.

PS. As a finish this, a realize that Catholic guilt, and any religious guilt for that matter, isn’t really  is guilt, but shame. It is most often a manipulation to make use feel bad. So don’t get the two confused.

What “A Short Aside” looked like on dashboard and inline

Stephen Magladry showed us, with lightning speed, what a WordPress “Aside” looks like. On my WordPress Dashboard,  when viewing all published posts, the item is tagged as an Aside. How intuitive. This moment allows me to practice, for the first time, inserting an image, because I grabbed a screen shot of what that aside looked like on my dashboard, and I am going to attempt to insert the dot-tiff file. I used the Upload/Insert button above the Bold and Italics toggles on the editing menu bar.

I will learn the following additional details by trying them out. I wonder what would happen if I changed the “filters” on my dashboard. Right now, it is set to View All Categories. I wonder if this Aside and this comment are visible to all Tuesdays with Deborah participants. In conversation, an “aside” is usually to a subset of all people in a room, but that concept may not apply in WordPress. Maybe an Aside is a “type” of post.

The train of thought has now departed the station of “plain language” and is heading toward jargon, so I will stop now.

Thank you, Stephen. I look forward to taking your WordPress Dashboard seminar sometime, but I have a regular volunteer gig on Tuesday mornings so it will take some calendar juggling.


Turns out this is what the Aside looks like in the “thread” on the Tuesdays with Deborah home page, scrolling through content. I am playing with different materials in the art box of WP here – trying out features. Thanks for playing.

The liberating movement art of Parkour

I noticed Stephen Maglardy’s“Five Finger” shoes and asked if he is familiar with Parkour. He was not. Until now. The good people at Parkour Visions have been birthing and nurturing the baby of this non-profit movement gym and outreach venture for six years or so. Our son, now almost twenty, has benefited greatly. One high school year, he and a Parkour Visions coach taught a weekly class at an inner city space for homeless youth in Seattle.

Start moving when you are young, keep moving, anywhere any time. Move over, around, and through obstacles. Develop the “vision” to see a “path” through obstacles. Parkour can look like cross-country running in an urban environment, except traceurs (people who do parkour) would vault over railings and other obstacles rather than go around them. Having an indoor gym for this movement art is rare in this country and also liberating to the hundreds of kids who need it.

Making Your Passwords Secure

This article is a republish from my account, originally published on March 8, 2012.

I got a little scare this morning. Checking the strength of my passwords, I found my American Express password could be broken by a desktop PC in about 3 hours! Now in defense of myself, at one time American Express forced passwords to  be shorter than 9 character. That’s not very secure.

Do you wonder how secure your passwords are? There is no reason not to know. Check out There, passwords can be entered and relative strengths of passwords can be determined. Don’t worry, this page runs as a javascript app and there is no communication between the webpage and their server once the webpage is loaded.

Want some ideas how to make a stronger, yet more memorable password?

Consider a passphrase instead of a password. Consider “Peter Piper picked a peck” compared to  “bfhewbbjkk”. Which is easier to crack? The Peter Piper pass phase can be cracked in, oh about 2 nonillion years, where the “bfhewbbjkk” can be cracked in about 6 days. Now tell me, which is easier to remember? Which is easier to type?

Consider special characters. While there isn’t much difference between “bfhewbbjkk” and “bfhewbbjk!”, they are the same length. The relative security on the second password shots up to a year. From 6 days to crack to a year just by making one letter a special character. That is a relatively big change.

Consider a password vault program. I use 1Password. This stores all your passwords in a secure file. The passwords can easily be recalled from just about any web browser for easy use. By the way, make that password super secure. My passcode for my password vault can be broken in about 1 trillion years. Additionally, with this, passwords don’t have to be written down all over the place. Would you get a sinking feeling it your day planner accidentally got left in a cab or someplace else? What passwords would you be giving away?

Some sites have bad password policies. 8 character passwords are pretty much useless. Some limit special characters. Some sites would not allow the Peter Piper pass phrase but by removing the spaces “PeterPiperpickedapeck”, the passcode still is secure for about 137 quintillion years. If they have overly restrictive passcode policies, consider how valuable is the information you enter on that site. I would never use a financial institution that did not allow for 16 character passwords.

Use different passwords. If someone gets one of your bank account pass codes somehow, would they be able to access all of your accounts? Even worse. If they got your Facebook password, would they be able to get into bank accounts? Even large corporations like Sony get caught with their pants down. Their servers got cracked and passwords were stored unencrypted. If a user had the same password in their Sony account as their bank account, it would be just a matter of finding the right institution and their account could be drained.

Avoid passwords found on any top list. Password crackers are going to start off searching for low hanging fruit. They are first going to try the top used passwords. If your password is on one of those list, your password will be cracked more quickly that a blink of an eye. will inform you if you are using a common password.

You may be saying, “Those are some pretty big numbers”, Stephen, “My password doesn’t need to be that secure.” Consider this. If someone is trying to steal your password, they are not going to be using one computer but thousands of computers. That makes for much shorter work. Here is a variation on my mantra,

“Only securely protect the information that is valuable to you.”

By the way, My new American Express password can now be broken in oh, about 47 trillion years. It would have been even longer, but American Express limits passwords to 20 characters.

Stephen Magladry, your iTechieGuy

Oh, The Places you’ll Go!

Can you imagine what it would be like to have Dr. Suess deliver a graduation speech? What would he say to mostly young, eager minds with there lifes out in front of them?

Well, wonder no more! Oh the Places You’ll Go!

I love this book, this poem! It is amazing to me how this writer of children’s books is able to boil down life to such a simple and elegant poem.

He talks of the highs.

You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

 How many of us haven’t been there before? I know I have. Oh what a place to be! What a high. Nothing seems to go wrong. If it does, it is just another challenge in life and you move on. Life seems to be laid out just for your success.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.

I been there, too. For too much of my life. This part of life sucks on so many different levels. It is a horrible place to be. It is not a fun place to be. It literally sucks the essence from the very being.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

 For me, the easiest way to fall into the waiting game is by falling into the roll of a victim. Woa, is me! I can’t do anything right! No body loves me. Those are all way of saying, “I can’t wait until life is right”. My advice to you? STOP! Waiting for life to be right; it is too long of a wait! Make life right, today! That’s the real challenge.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

 Unfortunately,  I been there, too. Who hasn’t? Life becomes over whelming. There seems to be no way out. The only or best solution at that time seems to be to give up. But DON”T. Find away through it. Life has to many great adventures waiting for you!

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!



Stephen Magladry, your iTechieGuy

Dot to Dot

“You can not connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that some how the dots will connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart. even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.”

Steve Jobs


I have spent too many years of my life looking back at the dots I have left behind.

For the first time in my life, I am following my heart, that I will find my dots down the road. I recognize that I am straying off a well known worn; that is a known because I am a solperrneur. Few people really  succeed down that path. But I believe in myself! I trust in myself! And that will make all the difference.


Stephen Magladry, Your iTechieGuy

Holy Carp (sic)!

Dated: Febuary 21, 2012

My mind is spinning! Spinning! Spinning! Who would have thunk!

After nearly a year and a half of fits and starts, I started on October, 13, 2011. I had this grand vision with all the new found masses of people getting the “Apple Religion”, that I could use all my knowledge of the scrolls and present it in a way that would have customers beating down the preverbial door.

Read on!

Improving your (Paper) Karma

Who is FRUSTRATED with the amount of junk mail that you receive? Good. I see a lot of hands.

If you have an iPhone, and iPad or iPod Touch with a camera, an Android phone or a Windows Phone, there is an App the will help you with this frustration and improve your (Paper) Karma, at the same time. What a deal! It is called Paper Karma.

When, you get a piece of junk mail that you don’t want, fire up the app, take a picture of it, and submit it. That’s all. Paper Karma will take care of it from there. They will contact the mailer and have your name removed from the mailer’s distribution list. It is that easy! The one caveat is the piece of mail must have your name on it. So if your name is OCCUPANT or CURRENT RESIDENT you are out of luck.

Here is a link to their site, Paper Karma.

I feel better already!


Stephen Magladry – Your iTechieGuy.

Life in the Clouds

I never thought I lived in the clouds. Today, I found out differently.

Some people may be saying, why is Stephen talking about meteorological terms? I’m not. In the world of computers, cloud storage means storing files and information on the internet. What are the benefits, you may ask? Let me tell you what happen to me, today.

My main computer went in for repairs due to a cataclysmic event last week. My laptop fell to the floor and the screen fractured into many pieces. Needless to say, the screen became useless. Today, the crippled machine started its journey towards New York for repair.

In the absence of my machine, i could use my wife’s machine.  That takes care of the hardware; far more valuable is all the data I have accumulated over the years. I could live without all the documents, what about contacts, calendars, and web bookmark. While a could live without them for a short term, having these to refer to over the week could be valuable. How could i make my “temporary” home feel like home?

I started out making a second account on my wife’s machine. That way, I could have my own folders on the hard drive and leave my wife’s folders untouched. But what about the data?

That’s where the cloud, storing data on the internet, came into play. Since the data existed of the net, if was only a matter of copying that information to my temporary home. Within a half hour, I had  nearly fully functional machine. Here is the information I retrieved and where I got it from.

Information Location
Passwords 1Password and Dropbox
Contacts iCloud
Calendars From my local server
Web bookmarks iCloud
Multiple Mail accounts Gmail-iMap, iCloud

That’s a pretty functional machine for so little work! Feel like home. Long live cloudy weather!