Tween Angst at Forty Seven

Perhaps I’m having sympathy angst?

This morning I am wanting to work but my mind is preoccupied with my 6th grade daughter and all that is going on in her busy young life.

It’s MSP testing week at her school for one thing. Friendships are shifting at school as the third quarter begins and I’m hearing the stories after school and having “flashbacks” of my tumultuous 6th grade year. And this weekend the Bellevue Youth Theater play she’s been practicing for since February starts its two weekend run at the Ivanhoe Theater in Bellevue. Opening night is Friday night and a small tribe of us are going to enjoy Beauty and the Beast. I’ll have my heart in throat at least six times as I watch her say her lines as the young maiden friend of Belle. (Think I may skip wearing mascara, again…so when I start to cry my tears of joy, they won’t run my make up.)

Middle School. As well as I believe my daughter is handling all the pressures, I also sense overwhelm creeping in and in the air. And I can’t help her through it if she doesn’t want the help I offer. Isn’t that how it goes even for us adults? I’m feeling a little helpless this morning, knowing full well that she ultimately will in her own time handle this.

(Even when working with writing clients, I understand COMPLETELY that it will be their process not mine, as they get in touch with their writing style and rhythm and voice.)

So why, then, can’t I accept that “We all get to live with B’s choice to do nothing about her small crisis for the moment?”


We can’t help people, really, if they don’t want our help. We can’t be helped by others if we won’t allow ourselves to be helped. It’s an unpleasant cycle.

Mediation. It’s been suggested to repair a known rift but one of the parties won’t have it. What to do then? Surrender to what is and imagine a space and field for some positive shift and healing to occur. Practice being less attached to the outcome and let come what may and deal with what comes up when it comes up. Cease with pushing things to happen that would be premature.

Business activities feel like this at times too. Things happen on timelines we wish we could “control” but  can’t. Things going South that looked like they were well on their way to be a sure thing. What then can we do? Something else that prepares the field for good things, even the smallest of activities, feels better than doing nothing.

That feels like me mediating with myself, which in this case is about as good as it gets.

My wish for the tween in all of us: When we have angst and prefer to avoid conflict may we find the will power to address the “gremlin” taunting us. May we take back our personal power to speak what is on our minds and hearts and get things done that need getting done. May we remember we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.


At the end of the day, we must first be at peace within if we are to be at peace in the world.



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About Deborah Drake - Authentic Writing Provokes

Deborah Drake is on a Creative Writing Mission (be you writing for business or otherwise) : To get you to love doing your own writing and express yourself confidently and with authenticity and whole heart. Writing in this age of "the world being your oyster," what will it take for you to chase out "for good" the disbelief that you can't write as yourself and for yourself and attract GREAT readers and clients? Consider this writing coach like an assignment a la Peace Corps...she will teach you how to not only plant that garden and harvest the yield, but craft your own recipes in a cookbook you can then self-publish and market boldly with enthusiasm that lights up a room. Writing is good for the soul, good for business and therapeutic and to be able to authentically self-express who we are, what we do and what we care about in this age is PARAMOUNT. Can you?

2 thoughts on “Tween Angst at Forty Seven

  1. Wow, Deborah, that captures the angst that I hear from clients of tweens quite often.

    “We can’t help people, really, if they don’t want our help. We can’t be helped by others if we won’t allow ourselves to be helped. ” This might be one of life’s most empowering and difficult lessons. I think the difficulty significantly multiplies for parents.

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